I suppose as we get older, we become more aware of our bodies, and the process of their inevitable failings. Perhaps that is why I have become acutely aware this winter of the sensitivity of my nipples. They have become the interrupting doorbells of my everyday interaction with the physical world, an undesired reminder demanding my attention. What I mean to say is basically everything makes my nipples hard, and it’s very irritating.
I’m sure this has been experienced by many people, and I’m not close to the first; even men get it. From running, chaffing in shirts, any sort of injuries (hopefully of the fun kind where you at least get to relive the memories while basting your poor secondary sex characteristic in your choice of moisturizer). The significance in my case is the longevity of the condition. It has been months.
There are probably people out there who get hard nipples and don’t even know it. These are the same people who presumably don’t notice when the seams of their socks slip under their feet inside of their shoes or can ignore a lone rogue hair in their face. Hood of a sweater stuck under my jacket, or a snagging jagged fingernail? Absolutely not. I am not one of those people.
The confluence of two events have led to my present condition – winter and pumping for milk for my twins. The later, the definitive reason for the sensitivity in the first place, and the former, well. Why does everything have to be so COLD and DRY.
In order to convey the frequency with which my skin nubs regularly break through my conscious thought, I have made a list of things that makes my nips scrunch.
Being cold (this includes being outside, shivering, holding a cold item, having skin exposed to the elements)
Being wet (getting out of the shower, wet socks)
Physical touch (aggressive hugs, rubbing, scratching an itch)
Anything interacting with my teeth (crunchy things, picking something out of my teeth, food or beverages that are too cold or too hot)
Touching very dry things (also see – electric shock, touching cardboard, touching chalk or GOD FORBID writing with chalk on a chalk board – my nipples got hard just thinking about it, which brings me to)
Emotional states (surprise, horror, annoyance, good speeches, or thinking about anything that makes my nips hard)
What do I do? I slather on crème products while daydreaming of warm locales; I say to myself “only four more months!”, of the winter or the pumping, it is unclear; I wear many layers of clothes while coating my hands in wax; I blend all foods to a tepid gruel for my consumption. I have ordered a human-sized bubble on amazon that promises an ideal 72 degrees inside while also supplying two robot arms on the outside to interface with my biotic and abiotic environment. It will just be me and the pump cohabitating and intertwining our existence.